The Ukraine, The Three Amigoes and My Little Buttercup: Name That Moron

Okay, folks. Time for another round of Name That Moron. (Whoever wins gets to make foreign policy in the Crimea, which would be a step up, seeing as how our current “policy” seems to consist of throw it against the wall and see if it sticks.)

The Contestants

Our contestants include a former U.S. Senator trying to act like a statesman, a former KGB thug acting like a KGB thug, and a former community organizer from Chicago acting like a community organizer from Chicago.  The brass ring: Ukraine.

The “U-word” doesn’t seem to be generating much mojo in the States. Maybe it could use a coating of Fritoes and beer and a Seahawks jersey? Failing that, your Average Joe and Josephine seem content to do the ostrich thing or even better, play: I’ll leave them alone if they leave me alone.

That worked so well with ‘ole Neville “Peace in our time” Chamberlain.  Remember the Sudetenland? The Anschluss?  Appeasement is such a great tactic when facing down a bully, isn’t it? Maybe if we throw in an encore of My Little Buttercup?

“Where moonbeams paint the sky”

For stanza one, let’s play the short, short version of why the Ukraine matters, from The strategic Importance of Ukraine and Why Both Russia and the U.S. Want Her as an Ally:

  • With a population of nearly 50 million, Ukraine is one of the largest countries in Europe.
  • It’s a major economic player for both Russian-made and EU-made goods.
  • It shares a 1,576km long border with Russia in the east, making it a strategic country especially for the States and her western allies who want to prevent Russia from expanding her influence westwards.
  • Ukrainian port cities are important in both the economic and military sense. Sevastopol is a major naval base for the Russian navy and one of few warm water ports on the block.
  • Ukraine also borders the Black Sea, the Sea of Azov, Belarus, Poland, Slovakia, Hungary, Romania, and Moldova. This location could allow the country to play a major role in Eastern and Central Europe.
  • Ukraine is s major player in the field of weapon systems, a major producer and exporter of steel, and a major transit point for oil and gas coming from Russia and Central Asia to the EU.
  • It’s “the breadbasket of Europe,” upon which vast numbers depend for food and agriculture.

“With your eyes so blue…”

So El KGB Guapo has the world teetering on the rim edge of a major meltdown, with significant geo-political ramifications for both East and West, and Steve “Statesman” and Marty Moron are wrangling over a “cottage built for two.”

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

When he’s not busy targeting conservatives for IRS harassment, penning and phoning, NSA spying, Benghazi-baiting, gutting our military and using the U.S. Constitution to line the bottom of his bird cage, Babalu Barry is doubtless trying to remember where he stashed his conga drum. Presumably with which to beat Vlad into submission.  After all, that worked pretty well with “If you like your plan, you can keep it. Period.” Right?

Got that name yet?



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