Well, zippity-doo-dah, zippety-ay. It’s that time again. Campaign season. Aka: the 2016 run-up to the run-up to the run-up. And that means DemoLibs are busy launching into either duck and cover mode or the ‘ole Potomac Two-Step, which are basically opposite sides of the same coin. Adding fun to the mix are “Factivists.” Not to be confused with a breakfast stir-in, these li’l darlin’s are pretty much joined at the hip with the DNC.
What’s a “factivist”? you ask. Good question. A couple definitions appear in the Urban Dictionary. The best is probably:
An adolescent or unthinking adult activist who parrots whatever Organizing For America has ordered them to think, in an effort to spread misinformation and disinformation on behalf of the State.
It generally results in awkward isolation for the factivist, as they proceed to drive their friends and family away from them at parties and holidays.
If you’re still confused, don’t worry. We’re here to help. While not always obvious at first blush, DemoLib “factivists” aren’t really that hard to peg. Here are 20 tell-tale signs that you’ve engaged a “factivist.” You know you’re talking to a Democrat “factivist” if they:
- Think Jefferson, Locke and Bastiat are an updated version of the Kingston Trio.
- Quote Rev. Al chapter and verse but have never heard of Sheriff David Clarke.
- Believe Hillary when she says she did not have textual relations with that server.
- Believe Hillary, period.
- Won’t stop talking. Won’t stop talking. Won’t stop talking. (Those aren’t typos.)
- Think “jobs” really is a “three-letter word.”
- Promote a one-size-fits all solution to pretty much everything: Ban It.
- Think the U.S. Supreme Court is an advisory committee to help advance President Obama’s agenda.
- Think the Supreme Court is subordinate to Obama and his agenda.
- Can’t spell “Supreme Court.”
- Have an Elizabeth Pocahontas Warren for President bumper sticker on their car.
- Think Bill of Rights is Bubba Joe’s Left Coast cousin.
- Support “choice” unequivocally – unless it concerns schools, union dues, or pre-born babies.
- Think “1040” is a zip code.
- Replace “I am woman, hear me roar” with “I am woman, dependent on government to gimme, gimme, gimme because I’m too weak and feeble and brainless to do for myself.” (Like that’s not patronizing or anything.)
- Think calling someone a racist, bigot or homophobe constitutes soaring rhetoric.
- Are 40 years old and live in their parent’s basement.
- Are 40 years old and expect taxpayers to subsidize their parents’ basement.
- Can’t find their way out of their parents’ basement.
- Know Factivist founder Jim Armstrong has an M.A. in Poetry. And think that’s cool.
Oh yeah. You’re probably talking to a “factivist” if they steer you toward stupid videos like this while ignoring Benghazi, private email servers, Fast & Furious, If you like your plan, your can keep your plan, Operation Choke Point, we don’t have a strategy on ISIS yet, the “Jay Vee Team,” and… well.
More importantly, you know you’re talking to a “factivist” if they don’t get this post. Some people just have no sense of humor.