Citizens peons who are too stupid to figure out how to write a shopping list or what food to eat and when can rest easy. The brain surgeons at the Environmental Protection Agency are riding to the rescue!
On Thursday the agency announced it has awarded 21 grants across New England “to fund community projects addressing environmental and public health issues.” The projects are funded under the 2015 Healthy Communities Grant Program for a total of $1,754,157. They will “reduce environmental risks, protect and improve human health, and improve the quality of life for communities and residents in communities in all six New England states.” (Accessories not included. Batteries sold separately.)
Included in that price tag is $50,000 for the EPA’s “Food Too Good to Waste” initiative. Why a government agency is snooping around your fridge and pantry or rooting around in your trash cans is anyone’s guess. (Hello, Seattle.) Not to worry. The FTGTW initiative will help keep the world safe for Truth, Justice and Sheer Stupidity by curbing climate change. It’s going to do this by teaching adults how to write a grocery list and reduce food waste.
You knew that was coming, right? Good. Cuz the most useless, invasive government agency on the face of the planet awarded $25,000 to Sustainable America for implementing the FTGTW initiative in Connecticut churches that apparently don’t have anything better to do. The EPA announcement explains:
This initiative will recruit households from faith-based congregations in the Greater Bridgeport and Stamford areas to implement a Food Too Good to Waste (FTGTW) challenge. The FTGTW Toolkit will be modified for the target audience and Sustainable America will host meetings for leadership from participating congregations, implementing a six week challenge and instructing them how to bring the challenge back to their congregations.
The goal of the project is to raise awareness about food waste, reduce household level food waste and ultimately reduce the amount of food waste that is incinerated or landfilled. Project partners include Interfaith Council of Southwest Conn. and Fairfield County Interfaith Alliance on Climate Change.
Doesn’t that just make ya feel all warm and fuzzy?
Sustainable America is a nonprofit group that wants people to cut their engines instead of idling and buy hybrid cars. Just in case you’re wondering.
But wait. There’s more.
In case you’re too stupid to figure out how to write your own shopping list, don’t worry. The initiative includes instructions on how to do just that. Libs who can’t decide what foods to eat on their own volition needn’t worry. Handy-dandy fridge signs are included to tell you what foods to eat, too.
Oh, happy day!
Bonus points for those who can’t decide to eat what they buy without help from a government agency. The towering intellects at the EPA gotcha covered. One of the campaign tips is, “Eat what you buy.” Just in case you forget. Also this stroke of genius:
“Be mindful of old ingredients and leftovers you need to use up. Move food that’s likely to spoil soon to the front of a shelf or designated ‘eat now’ area.”
No word yet on whether or not the ACLU will file a “separation of church and state” lawsuit based on this ridiculous use of tax payer money. Or if your shopping list will be subject to state scrutiny and approval. Better dump that mud pie.
Even better. Load up anyway. Cuz. Dang.
This post previously published by the author at BuzzPo.