My Christmas Letter to RNC Chair Reince Priebus

Dear Reince:

I know you’re probably missing my Christmas card this year. I thought I should explain.

It’s kind of complicated, but, well, I think it’s time we part ways. Since we’ve been such good friends and all – based on the amount of mail you send me whether I want it or not – I thought you’d appreciate hearing why I’ve decided to bid the Republican party adieu.

First off,

I know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen. Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blixen. And I recall the most infamous reindeer of all: Trying to figure out what “GOP” means these days, other than “you want extra Cool Whip with that figgy pudding”? (Pardon the mixed metaphor. I’ll go slow. Like this:)

The GOP’s stunning lack of accomplishments in reversing or reining in some of the JayVee Team’s most egregious excesses after gaining majorities in both chambers has been… stunning. What happened with the House majority exercising the power of the purse to douse President Pants on Fire’s constitutional bonfires? Slapping down executive over-reach on… Well. I lost count.

Then there’s national security. That’s come upon a midnight un-clear. Ditto a southern border that’s roasting on an open fire. How ’bout the “refugees” President Santa Claus wants to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sieve?  And why is there still no coal in Ms. What Difference Does It Make’s stocking?

Go tell it on a mountain. ANY mountain.

I was willing to bend a little on some of this stuff. Maybe briefly camp out under some mistletoe in the spirit of the season. Ditto last season. And the season before that. And the season bef… Well. You know. But the last bah humbug came via the $1.8 trillion spending bill passed by the GOP-led Congress last week.

Talk about “decking the halls.”

And adding “at least $2 trillion in debt over the next 20 years”? Reince, with your nose so bright, won’t you guide… oh, never mind. Cuz I especially love this chorus. Via the New York Times:

In keeping with a bipartisan compromise, hashed out in an era of divided government and deep-rooted philosophical differences, all sides claimed victory.

The White House and congressional Democrats said they had thwarted the Republicans’ main policy goals, including efforts to cut off government financing for Planned Parenthood and put restrictions on Syrian and Iraqi refugees, while securing a number of their own priorities, including tax benefits for working Americans and to promote renewable energy.

Oh, those reindeer games!

Now. On this matter of continued taxpayer funding for Planned Deathhood. Republican representatives in Washington, D.C. had a choice. They had a chance to stop this. They didn’t.

I would even say it glows.

You may not want to hear this in the middle of your cool yule. But seeing as how we’re on a first-name basis, I thought I should come clean. So here goes:

I can choose, too. I choose to not be part of a party that lacks the moral fortitude and political will to defund the nation’s largest abortion provider. Or stand up to Mr. Pen and a Phone. Again.

As I’m sure you’re aware, we don’t register by party here in the People’s Republic of Washington. But for the first time since Ronaldus Maximus, I will no longer actively support the Gutless Oaf Party. I’m going to do Nancy Reagan proud and Just Say No. Chalk me up as another independent voter. (Always been that way. Just makin’ it – you know – “official.”)

One other thing. I love hearing from you, but can you kindly hold the fund-raising cards and letters? And everything else party-ish? Oh, and say hello to Jacob Marley for me next time he’s in your neighborhood. Thanks.

God bless us, everyone!

 

 

 

 

 

Photo: Gage Skidmore, Author. Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.

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