Well hallelujah and glory be! America finally has its first woman presidential nominee!* Toss some confetti and uncork the champagne!
Fine. But not for THAT woman.
Here’s the short list of 20 things you can trust more than Hillary “What difference does it make?” Clinton. (Pared down from 16,986):
- Basement email servers
- A second-hand mattress
- The “guide” who says, “Stupid compass! This must be wrong. Camp is obviously just over that hill.”
- The pilot who declares, “We’re waaaay overweight, but I’m pretty sure we can clear the top of that mountain.”
- The boat captain who says, “Just for the heck of it, let’s all slip into a life preserver.”
- The survivalist who suggests, “I know this is just a day trip. But let’s build a lean-to and a fire just for fun.”
- Brian Williams
- The woman who sagely observes, “Don’t worry. They only want hugs” just prior to a wolverine attack.
- Another “guide” who says, “This could be bad. The sun is setting in the east.”
- The lady who explains, “I’m truly sorry about that. I thought an animal was attached to your head. That’s when I picked up the stick.”
- The fishing guide who asks, “I know this is a little late, but did anybody bring a drain plug?”
- The smell of smoke accompanied by, “Don’t worry Mom.”
- The student meterologist who says, “The moon? You must think I’m stupid. Now tell me. What really makes the tides?”
- The guy who says, “Watch this!” just prior to ending up in a full body cast.
- The other guy who says, “Now hold on because I’ve never done this before” about a nano-second before both of you wind up in full body casts.
- The veteran camper who proclaims, “It’s okay. Your fingers always turn that color after pitching a tent.”
- The other pilot who advises, “Relax. The engine always makes that noise.”
- Anyone who says, “Don’t worry. We’re safe in the tree so long as they don’t get bored.”
- Debbie Wasserman Schultz and the DNC
- Reince Preibus and the RNC
What’s on your list?
* Not true. But what difference does it make?)