10 Tips for Inauguration Protestistas

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Meryl, John, and Rosie welcome Donald Trump to Washington, D.C. – Flickr

Dear Protestistas:

You’re upset about a Donald Trump presidency, aka: the end of Western Civilization as we know it. So you’re boycotting Friday’s inauguration. You’re descending on D.C. in droves to protest … what? A caricature of a shadow of a cartoon of a straw man? The latest drivel out of  Mark Lamont Hill?

I mean, c’mon Rep. John Lewis and Company. Just how, exactly, does pitching a collective temper tantrum and boycotting the inauguration help your constituents?  Because here’s the deal: You’re not “boycotting” an inauguration. You’re boycotting America. Kind of like the Party of Debt, Dependency and Detroit has been doing for years. It’s one reason you got shellacked in November.

And what’s up with Team Love, the dear folks who are so busy “loving” everyone, they want to destroy those who don’t agree with them?  Ditto the Tolerance Nazis who work over-time to crush any viewpoint other than the Great Leftista Monolithic Worldview. Tinseltown “free” thinkers who specialize in Stifling Conformity and Reverse McCarthyism? Death threats. What’s up with that?

Anyway, you’re desperate to be taken seriously. So if you’re going to protest, why not go Big? Bold? Fresh? None of this garden-variety screeching, howling, weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth. No siree, Bob! You want to make a splash!

Fine. We’d like to help. So here are Ten Tips for Making the Most of Your *Inauguration* Day Doin’s. At no extra charge:

  • Protest au naturel. If you want to get attention, chugging around D.C. in January in your birthday suit oughtta do it.
  • Have Sister Betrille parachute in as your Grand Marshal. A sure-fire show stopper.
  • Take Joy Behar with you. Please.
  • Have Shannon Watts demand… something.
  • Get Meryl Streep to shut up (now there’s a headline in the making).
  • Burn your coloring books.
  • Make Patty Murray your mascot.
  • Invite Vladimir Putin to join you.
  • If you’re serious about making your point –whatever the h-e- double hockey sticks that is – go on a hunger strike until Chuck Schumer says something coherent. Or Maxine Waters graduates from junior high.
  • Pass out free plane tickets to some place where you’ll fit right in. Like Venezuela.

If all else fails, be polite. Respectful. Lucid. Chris Matthews won’t recognize you and Richard Fowler won’t have anything to bloviate about for maybe 20 minutes.

Have a nice trip,

Mom and Dad*

 

Wait! Exclusive undercover footage of Meryl Streep, Rep. John Lewis, and Rosie O’Donnell rehearsing their Trump inauguration act has just surfaced:

*P.S.: You left your binkies at home. Call if you want delivery. Don’t forget to gas up the car before you come home.

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