There’s only one voice that does my #1 favorite Christmas carol justice: Andrea Bocelli. Aka: La Voce. Why? Cuz there’s nothing like hearing a world-class Italian tenor render O Holy Night like a world-class tenor. In the original French.
But, alas. Andrea has been dethroned by the Home Free vocal band. Watch their stunning a capella version of O Holy Night:
Not to get picky here or anythin’, Mr. Black Hat, but you’re in church. Kindly lose the Stetson. And Dear Tenor, please get that twitch fixed.
Find out more about the country a capella quintet Home Freehere.
*This post originally published in 2015, shortly after the Home Free vid first came out. I decided to re-post, based on the amount of positive feedback received. Enjoy the encore.
Temperatures are dropping. It’s cold outside. Right on cue, the Perennially Outraged/Coloring Book Crowd is showing us why anyone with an I.Q. above a potted plant is gagging on their latest Outrage Du Juor. (Kind of like the average reaction to Aunt Gertie’s brick mortar disguised as “fruitcake.”) The Crowd’s latest target as soon as the mercury dips downward? That evil, sinister seasonal chestnut: Baby, It’s Cold Outside. The charge? The tune promotes date rape.
Yes, friends, this Christmas classic has a double-meaning placing it high on the Naughty List. We know this is true because Leftistas say so. Here’s the Bing Crosby/Doris Day version, for your listening outrage. Brace yourself:
Clearly “icky.” “Sinister.” Especially compared to, say, four dead Americans in Benghazi. The Clinton Foundation. Basement email servers. Bill Clinton and Co. Anthony Weiner. Hamilton Electors. (Btw, if my falling snow screen offendeth thee, my profound apologies. In a pig’s eye.)
To be sure, the tune is smarmy. Not exactly “merry and bright.” But neither is Nancy Pelosi.
So,if we’re going to ban everything that sounds sycophantic or colors outside the PC lines, let’s at least be consistent. And no more pussy-footin’ around, okay? Be bold. Like deep-sixxing:
We Three Kings – Numeric discrimination, gender exclusive
O Come, All Ye Faithful – No participation ribbons; “triumphant” sounds too bellicose
Jingle Bells, It Came Upon the Midnight Clear – Climate insensitive, offensive to AARP, sexist
Hark! The Herald Angels Sing – Check out verses two and four.Sexist! Imperialistic! (Never mind that these lyrics are among the most profound in any hymnal. E.g., waaay over the head of your average Leftista)
White Christmas – Racist!
Let It Snow! Geez Louise.
While we’re at it, can we also eliminate Away In a Manger? Certainly PETA or some other overzealous busybody with too much time on their hands (Hi, Alec Baldwin) will find a way to decry the extemporaneous use of a barnyard feeding trough. Ditto anyone on The View – or both its viewers – blathering about a lack of cribs for baby beds.
Don’t even get me started on Rudolph or I Saw Mommy Kissin’ Santa Claus. Oh, the horror! Ditto mistletoe. It is a parasite, ya know. Much like your average Leftista.
And, lo! If there’s a valid charge related to Baby, it’s that its lyrics are among the most brainless in all Yuletide-dom. After all, “I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell” is now a hanging offense, right? Tip: If you don’t like the sappy song or find it otherwise offensive, Don’t Listen. Translation for Leftistas: If you don’t like the sappy song or find it otherwise offensive, Don’t Listen.
Behold. Not even Dieffenbachia takes The Coloring Book Crowd seriously. In the meantime, I hear Wal-Mart is having a two-fer sale on crayolas. Let me know if you need help stalking up (that’s not a typo). Or tracking down Aunt Gertie.
One more thing. As long as we’re being “bold,” it doesn’t get much better than this.
It’s December. Not sure what Colin Kapernick & Co. will be pouting about this time of year, but doubtless they’ll find something. Like replacing the traditional seasonal greeting with “Happy Holidays.” Or something equally vapid. See:praising a recently deceased murderous tyrant as a “freedom fighter” and “poor people’s hero.” (Get many visitors that far from Planet Earth, JJ?)
So. If Happy Holidays is your cup of Scrooge, fine. Just don’t expect/demand/force me to drink up. Not happenin’.
I do “Merry CHRISTmas.” If that offendeth thee, sorry. Naw. Not really. But if “Merry Christmas” causes you to launch into post-election Idiot Mode (hi, “protestors”), kindly considereth growing some thicker skineth. Cuz you know what? I don’t care. Consider this a “Happy Holidays”-free zone. Kinda like the Democrat-Free Zone the Grays Harbor Board of County Commissioners will be come January.
I know, I know. You don’t have time to throttle back to warp speed. Do it anyway. I’m pretty sure it won’t kill you. Give this a quick listen. About five minutes. You’ll feel better. Really. (Especially good with a steaming cup of hot cider or cocoa and an industrial-sized stash of Ghiardelli’s. Just sayin’.)
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2016, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.
To My Conservative Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
*Got this from my buddy Bruce M. He said I could use it, but it’s not original with him. Either way, it still fits.
I know you’re probably missing my Christmas card this year. I thought I should explain.
It’s kind of complicated, but, well, I think it’s time we part ways. Since we’ve been such good friends and all – based on the amount of mail you send me whether I want it or not – I thought you’d appreciate hearing why I’ve decided to bid the Republican party adieu.
“Best” is pretty subjective. When it comes to “best” Christmas movies, however, essential elements usually include: faith, family, generosity, hope, love, and joy. Snow. A babe in a manger. While Tinseltown and Co. crank out “Christmas” movies by the boatload each season, those that stand the test of time are relatively few. (A Nightmare Before Christmas? Seriously?)
Here are my picks for 10 Best Christmas Movies of All Time. In no particular order:
What if every Christmas event was this much fun? Check out the train. Don’t forget the elf.
While we’re on the subject of festive and seasonal and all that good stuff, don’t forget next weekend’s Festival of Lights in Montesano. Lighted parade, light tours, food, bonfire and small town charm. The paradeis set for Saturday, December 12. Dress warm!
For more info, contact: Montesano Chamber (360) 249-5522.